Mike Johnson’s Wild Bedtime Story
House Speaker Mike Johnson has apparently cracked open a spy novel and mistaken it for briefing notes.
His claim?
That Donald J. Trump was…an FBI informant in the Epstein files.
Yes, the same Donald Trump who couldn’t even keep a steak order consistent without contradicting himself is suddenly cast as America’s great undercover source.
Can you imagine? Trump sneaking around in aviator sunglasses, whispering code words into a wire, bravely risking his freedom to bring down Jeffrey Epstein.
The only problem?
This is the guy who used to brag about knowing “all the best people” at Mar-a-Lago, a club that Epstein himself once frequented. If Trump was the mole, then Inspector Clouseau must have been running the Bureau.
Johnson’s version of events has all the makings of a Netflix thriller except instead of Jason Bourne, we get Jason Orange Spray Tan. And instead of tense covert meetings, we’d probably get transcripts of Trump telling agents things like, “Epstein? Total loser, okay? Everybody knows it. Also, have you seen the ratings on The Apprentice reruns? Huge!”
Sit back and think about it. What if those Epstein files were finally released today? Would anyone outside Trump Tower even believe them?
The FBI, the DOJ, the intelligence community? Virtually every high-stakes post has been filled with Trump-approved loyalists at one point or another.
The deep state he supposedly fought against is now wearing MAGA hats and drinking Diet Cokes on Air Force One.
So ask yourself if the files dropped tomorrow, would they be the truth? Or would they be the reality-TV edit, carefully curated by Trump’s casting team of loyalists now sprinkled through the highest levels of power?
At this point, trusting the Epstein files would be like trusting a Trump steak to be medium rare technically possible, but you’d be a fool not to cut into it first.
PRAGMATIC ISSUES 
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